Was I just chasing Dreams?

I recently took a 10 day vacation and I when I came back I saw my game again and now all I can think is that "What the hell was I doing?". I had no experience in making a game but this feels so off. I have lost most of the motivation of making this game. I wanted my game to take off so that I can pay for my study abroad but now I think this is probably never gonna happen. I know I shouldn't write this stuff in public but now I'm just using these Devlogs to report on my mental state at this point.

I still am gonna work on it and launch it. Just so I can complete this and maybe just maybe this will pay off and I might not fail at this just like I have failed at every other thing in my life at this point.

i have this feeling at the back of my mind that these Devlogs are just an escape for me right now, a place where I can rant while also reporting on a project that is my last attempt at succeeding and getting a head start in life.

I don't know what I'm writing anymore right now. If you're reading this I hope you are just not in the same place as I am right now.